Adventures with Bunny
by RRatedauthor
Summary: A look at some of the events in the life of the Hardy Boyz as seen through the eyes of Jeff's cuddly companion... Rated M for some explicit content in some chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Matt and Jeff Hardy appear courtesy of Gilbert and the late Ruby Hardy... all events are fictitious, and any resemblance to any other incestuous brothers is purely coincidental. Bunny appears courtesy the author and Toys 'R Us.

Adventures with Bunny...

Everyone knows what goes through the mind of the Enigma, but what about the one person who has been with him for the majority of his life... no, we're not talking about Matt for once... I mean his faithful furry companion Bunny. What's her take on the trials and tribulations of our Rainbow-haired WWE champion? Well, for those of you who've asked, here's her story.

Christmas 1986...

Twelve-year-old Matt and Nine-year-old Jeff rushed downstairs.

"Yay! Santa was here!" Jeff gogged at the expanse of presents around the tree.

Matt looked at the presents, then slyly at his Mom and Dad. As a mature adult of twelve, he knew that there was no such thing as Santa Claus, but he was intelligent enough not to spoil Jeff's excitement. He was still at that age where things like Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny were very real and their appearance was looked forward to with great anticipation.

"Okay, boys, you know the routine. One present now then the rest after breakfast and chores."

"Aw, Dad... do we hafta do chores??? It's Christmas." Jeff complained

"Jeffrey, mind your father. It's not too late for him to call Santa to have him take back your gifts."

Jeff's mouth dropped open in a horrified "O" as the thought of no gifts passed through his mind.

"Santa wouldn't do that, would he?" Jeff looked at Matt for confirmation.

"He did it to me once. All I got was socks." Matt replied

"No! Imma be good!" Jeff promised

"One present, then. Be quick about it." Gil was trying hard to be his usual gruff self, but he was having a hard time keeping it up.

Matt hunted out one of the biggest gifts to open, while Jeff took his time, eventually settling on a small box wrapped in pretty pink paper.

"You first Matty." Jeff said

Matt tore the wrapper from the box and inside was another box. His brow furrowed, but he shrugged and opened that box. Inside that was another box and another and another.

Ruby clasped her husband's hand as Matt finally got down to a small leather case.

"What's this?" Matt asked

"Matthew, your father and I know how often you lose your keys, so we got you a key case."

"Cool." Matt replied, not wanting to disappoint his parents by saying what was really on his mind. Just to be polite, he opened it and to his surprise there was already a key inside it.

Matt scrunched his face up, trying hard to make it appear that this was what he really wanted.

"Aren't you curious about that key?" Ruby asked

"I thought it was for the house or the barn or something." Matt answered

"Son, you have to learn to never assume anything." Gil took his eldest son by the shoulder. "You mom and I decided that you are old enough now. Come with me." He led Matt into the garage where, dressed with a bright red bow, was a motorcycle. Not just a motorcycle, but THE mother of all motorcycles.

"But daddy, how?" Matt asked

"Old man Periwinkle down the road was getting rid of it, and he asked me if I knew anyone who wanted it." Gil answered "But until you're old enough to be on the road, you only drive it on the property, understand?"

"Yes, pops." Matt answered "Then this?" He waved the key at his dad.

"Maybe later you can take your old man out for a ride?" Gil clapped him on the back.

"That's the best gift I've ever gotten." Matt hugged his father tightly.

Matt and his father went back into the house where Jeff was waiting patiently for them.

"What's going on?" he asked suspiciously.

"I'll show you later." Matt said, not wanting to hurt his brother's feelings. It was quite obvious that Jeff wasn't getting a motorcycle as well. "You haven't opened your present yet."

"Imma waitin' for ya." Jeff said proudly.

"Breakfast is almost ready." Ruby shouted

"Hurry, Jeff."

Jeff tore open the wrapping paper. I assume you all know what was inside. It was me.

"Momma, Imma love it forever." Jeff hugged me so tightly I thought I was gonna explode.

Ruby smiled.

"And Imma call it..." Jeff scrunched his face while he thought hard. "Bunny!"

So that's how we met, and I can say that I never left Jeff's side much after that. He even brought me to school for show and tell. Yeah, he was teased about it, but he stood up for me. We sorta became real close several months later when Ruby passed away, but I'm not gonna dwell on that. Matt could only do so much for my Jeff, and many nights I fell asleep with wet fur, but it was all good.

When Jeff said he was gonna love me forever, he meant it. Twenty-three years later and I'm still with him. That's longer than most marriages. I have been packed, unpacked, repacked, stepped on, rolled over on, squished, used as a projectile... hell, I've taken more abuse than some of the current members of the WWE roster.

But I'lll bet you're wondering... "What's it like being with one of the hottest stars in the business?" I'll tell you. It hasn't been all fun and games, but the good times have by far outnumbered the bad. Some of the things I have seen will make the hair on your neck stand up.

So, come with me if you want to, as I take you on a trip down memory lane. Starting with that most awesome of experiences... Jeff's first sexual encounter with Matt.

June 17th, 1992

"Watch what I can do!" Jeff balanced on the diving board. "Matty, c'mon."

Matt looked over from where he was desperately trying to finish his reading. "What?" he asked

"If you're gonna shout at me, Imma not gonna show ya." Jeff sulked. Becoming a teenager hadn't changed him all that much, except for a slightly deeper voice and body hair. He could still be a bit of a brat, especially when he wasn't the center of attention.

"Fine." Matt set his book down and watched Jeff. In a foreshadowing of future events, Jeff dove into the pool, flipping his body so that he ended up going in feet first.

Matt waited until Jeff broke the surface. "Not bad, little bro." He clapped.

Jeff beamed. Praise from his Matty was something he cherished. "Mebbe I can use that move when we become famous wrestlers?"

"Maybe." Matt smiled. "But when you do, hopefully you'll find a better outfit. You seemed to have suffered a wardrobe malfunction." Jeff had hit the water with such force, he'd blown out the crotch of his bathing suit.

"Eek!" Even though he had girls all over him at school, apparently Jeff was still a little self-conscious when it came to other things. "Matty, don't look!"

"There's no one here but us." Matt broke into laughter. "Dad's not gonna be back until tonight. He and auntie went shopping."

"In that case..." Rather than run inside to get his other bathing suit, Jeff peeled off the damaged one and tossed it aside. "Stupid bathing suit." He mumbled in a Homer Simpson-esque voice.

Matt couldn't help but stare at his little brother, who he realized wasn't so little anymore.

Jeff had really grown out since puberty had hit and what hung between his legs looked to be bigger that what he had. He quickly crossed his legs.

"Dammit!" Matt muttered, feeling his own organ stretch. Thankfully he wasn't wearing anything too constricting.

"Y'okay, Matty? You look like you're in pain."

"I'm cool, bro."

"You look a little hot to me. Why don't ya come in for a swim?"

"I don't have my suit with me." Matt replied

"So? Swim in your underwear. Or..." Jeff looked around as if he was afraid someone would hear him. "you can go naked." He said naked as if it was a swear word.

"I am not swimming naked!" Matt exclaimed "I'm not a free spirit like you."

"I think you're just chicken. Buccaw!"

"Jeff, I really wanna finish this." Matt picked up his book and opened it.

"Fine."

Matt was soon lost in his reading until a large shadow suddenly blocked out the sun. "I was serious." He said, not looking up.

"Imma stand here until you get in." Jeff folded his arms across his chest. "Or Imma throw you in."

For years Jeff had been threatening that one day he was gonna be able to throw Matt into the pool.

"Jeff, go away!" Matt shouted

"Make me!" Jeff taunted

Matt thought about it. How could he make Jeff leave him alone? He was thankful that there was nobody within a couple miles or he would never have tried what he did. He grabbed Jeff between the legs and squeezed. It was a gentle squeeze, but still unexpected to the younger Hardy. "If you don't leave me be, Imma gonna..."

"Do what... jerk me off?" Jeff dared

"No." Matt replied

"Well that's what you're doing." Jeff responded

Matt looked down and to his horror, that is exactly what he was doing. His hand was moving up and down Jeff's shaft.

"Oh God!" Matt shouted, running inside and upstairs. Jeff wrapped a towel around his waist and followed.

"Matty, wait!" Jeff bounded up the stairs to the room they still shared. He rattled the door, but Matt had locked it. "Lemme in!"

"Go away!" Matt shouted

"I can't... it's my room too! Besides I need to change." Jeff pounded on the door.

Jeff heard the sounds of a chair being moved and finally the door was opened.

"I thought I was going to have to kick the door down or something." Jeff nonchalantly went over to his side of the room and started looking for something to wear.

The room was silent.

"Jeff, I..." Matt finally spoke up.

Jeff threw an armload of clothes on his bed. "What?"

"Can we please try to forget that just happened?" Matt pleaded, his face reddening.

"What... that my brother was giving me a hand job?" Still only wearing a towel, Jeff sat down on his bed and patted the mattress.

Matt hesitated. After what had just happened, he was confused. Why had he done it and why had his body responded the way it did?

"Imma not gonna hurt ya." Jeff said

With a lot of second-guessing on Matt's part, he sat down beside Jeff.

"Jeff, I'm sorry. I was outta line and I understand if you want to kick the shit outta me. I'll let you take the first swing." Matt closed his eyes and waited for Jeff to fire away.

Jeff did make contact with Matt's face, but it was not with his fist... it was with his lips. It only lasted a moment, but it was enough. Matt opened his eyes suddenly and stared right into his brother's green ones.

"Jeff, what are you doing?"

"Shhh..." Jeff placed his fingers across Matt's lips. "You spoil the moment when you talk too much."

"But..." Matt was really messed up. Was Jeff actually encouraging this?

"Matty, I'm hoping that what happened by the pool means you love me in the same way I've dreamed of loving you." Jeff asked, earnestly staring into Matt's eyes.

"Jeff, this is so fucked up." Matt replied. Was he actually thinking about turning down the one thing he'd wanted for years?

"No one ever said that love was easy." Jeff traced the outline of Matt's mouth with his fingers. "But if you love honestly, it doesn't matter... so do you wanna finish what you started?"

He glanced down to his lower regions.

"Are you sure?"

"Matty, I know you'll never hurt me. You need this as much as I do, big brother." Jeff lay back on the bed, and spread his legs.

Still a little uncertainly, Matt ran his hand along the inside of Jeff's leg, across the pale skin. Part of him still thought that this might be a sick joke...

"Matty, you're hopeless." Jeff grabbed his brothers hand and pulled it under the towel, allowing him access to his most private place.

Matt ran his fingers across the smooth skin he found there in much the same way he had done by the pool.

Jeff's eyes soon closed. "Mmmm..." He moaned

"I'm not hurtin' ya, am I?" Matt quickly stopped.

"No... much better than when I do it myself." Jeff whispered, folding his legs to give Matt better access. For his part, Matt puled the towel aside and for the first time got a good look at Jeff's penis. His fingers moved along the still damp skin, tracing along the vein than ran along back of it, across the hole in the top, and down and around the head. He'd never done this to another guy before, but he figured if it felt good to him, it should be okay.

Soon enough, Jeff was fully hard. His breathing became a little more labored as Matt continued to pleasure him with his hand, sometimes pausing to squeeze, sometimes tickling the tight sack beneath.

"Matty, more... please?" Jeff's voice cracked. "That feels so good..."

Matt closed his hand around and began stroking him quickly. His dirtiest fantasy was right here and there was no stopping him now.

Jeff's head thrashed from side to side as he fought the waves of pleasure that threatened to drown him. He'd wanted this ever since that night when he'd first learned how to masturbate.

"Matty, Imma there." Jeff panted, thrusting his hips hard into Matt's hand.

Matt knew the signs of the approaching orgasm, so he steadied his hand and let Jeff do the work. He alternated between watching Jeff's face and his cock. Part of him wanted to witness Jeff's rapture, but another part of him wanted to see what Jeff's cum looked like.

"Fuck... Matty... Imma comin'!" Jeff arched his back off the bed when he exploded, shooting into Matt's fist. Matt pumped him for several more shots until Jeff collapsed, totally spent.

"Wow... not bad for a kid who ain't old enough to shave yet!" Matt looked at the thick liquid that covered his hand. He wiped it on the towel, then quickly nestled down beside his brother.

"That was awesome, big brother." Jeff snuggled close.

"I know." Matt curled up in Jeff's arms and they were soon dozing in the mid-afternoon shade.

It was such a tender moment, one that I had anticipated for a long time. Jeff tells me everything, so I knew that he was having these feelings for Matt. It was nice to see him find love with someone else, even if that someone did have the same last name.

That was the first night in many months that Jeff did not sleep with me in his arms, but I didn't mind. I was already passed out on the other bed, anyway.

TBC

_Let me know what you think! If the reviews are good, this may become a regular feature._


	2. January 25, 2009

A lot of people wonder what happened in the Hardy's hotel room after the Royal Rumble. I was there and it wasn't pretty!

January 25-6, 2009

Jeff doesn't take me to the arena any more. I do miss it but I guess he was sick of the ribbing he got from some of his co-workers. Anyway, Jeff came back to the hotel after the Rumble and I figured we'd have our post-show ritual. He'd order room service and we'd curl up on the bed and watch old movies until he fell asleep.

WRONG!!!! WRONG!!!! WRONG!!!!

That's wasn't just my comment on the situation, that's what Jeff was shouting as he entered our room. Alone. This shocked me, because he and Matt had been rooming together and those two were as close as brothers could be... nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more.

Something's up, I thought. Not having vocal cords, I had to rely on my ability to read Jeff's body language. Not very hard to do when you're close to a guy who wears his heart on his sleeve.

Jeff looked at me and I looked back. For a guy who spent hours in the mirror getting ready for an appearance, he looked like he'd come straight from the gig.

"Why, Matty, why?" He asked

This confused me. Had Jeff had a fight with his brother or was something else going on? I could only hope Jeff would explain further.

"Dammit, Matt, I thought you loved me." Jeff whispered "And then you screw me out of the title."

Now I was really confused. I was pretty sure that the outcomes were set in advance, so why was my little Jeffy so upset? Yes, I know he's in his thirties, but I've known him since he was nine so he will always be my little Jeffy.

Like usual, I just sit and wait. If there's one thing I've got a lot of, it's patience. Eventually Jeff comes and lies down beside me. I'm hoping everything's okay, because Jeff had talked about ordering the original Poseidon Adventure. I love disaster movies, but anyway, that's got nothing to do with anything right now.

So, I wait, but there's no movie. Now I'm really concerned. I'm staring at the ceiling, and judging by the sounds coming (or not coming) from Jeff, something about tonight legitimately upset him.

Finally I hear something, and I immediately know what's coming. Jeff's taking slow, even, breaths... the kind he takes when he's trying not to cry. Again I wait. Being inanimate has it's disadvantages and not being able to speak is one of them.

"Is Matty jealous of me, Bunny?" Jeff asked, picking me up and holding me against his chest. "I mean, just 'coz he couldn't get the ECW title back, doesn't mean he has to take mine away from me."

I wanted to point out that this was just a story line and Matt still did love his little brother, but again, no vocal cords. So I just did my job... let myself be held.

Stroking my fur seemed to calm him down a little. I was still hoping that Matt would be returning to the room because, call me a sadist, I was hoping for some sort of confrontation. I was still really unsure as to what exactly the problem was? I mean, Jeff had lost matches before and it was never anything like this.

Just as Jeff was starting to calm down, I heard the rattle of the door knob. Jeff's eyes immediately narrowed. Here we go, I thought.

So Matt walked in, all cool and calm and immediately grabs his suitcase.

"I know, I know." Matt sighed, tossing it on the bed. "That's why I decided to get my own room. At least until this blows over."

From the sounds of that, it seems that Matt understands how much he hurt his little brother, but doesn't give a damn about fixing it. Jeff looks at me and I stare right back, silently imploring him to say or do something fast, because if he lets Matt walk out that door, then there is no turning back.

"Matty, why?" Jeff's slow even breathing is back.

"What do you mean why? I think it should be obvious to even you. It's about time I got something." Matt barked, angrily emptying the dresser. "And don't give me that crap about the ECW title... everyone knows that title isn't even on the same level as what you got and the company agrees. I'm sorry if it had to happen that way, but deal with it!"

Jeff's all-out bawling right now and the scary thing is Matt doesn't seem to care. I'm not a believer in that kind of thing, but I'd swear that Matt has been brainwashed.

"Matty, please don't go!" Jeff sobbed "Whatever I did to make you feel this way, Imma sorry!"

"I'm sorry Jeff, but I can't deal with all this right now." Matt answered

Suddenly, I'm airborne. I bounce of the head board and end on my side. Not the most uncomfortable position I've ever been in. I can plainly see Jeff on his knees in front of Matt, begging him to stay, making all kinds of insane promises that I know he'd never be able to keep, even if he could convince Matt not to walk away from him.

In hindsight (Sounds funny coming from someone who can't even turn her head, I know!) I wish Tom had been in our lives at that point. He's really good at boosting spirits, so either Jeff would've calmed down in his arms, or he would pounded the living shit out of Matt for hurting him, or both. I kinda believe both.

"Matty, I don't care about the damn title!" Jeff suddenly shouted "Imma care about you!"

Matt stopped in mid-pack.

"What?"

"Matty, I've lost titles before. I just wanna know what I did to make you not love me anymore?" Jeff sniffled, clutching onto Matt's leg like a lost little boy. So did I for that matter.

"Whatever makes you think that, little bro?" Matt asked

"Coz you never told me you were gonna do this." Jeff wiped his eyes with his hand, thankfully not me. "We've always told each other everything."

Matt dropped onto the bed. Obviously, there was something more to this.

"It's all Vince's idea. He knows how hard it's gonna be to make this split believable, so he doesn't want me to tell you anything." Matt wiped his hands on his jeans, sighing loudly. "Fuck it. Vince wants me to say that I caused all the bad things in your life. The accidents, the fire, Jack's death..."

Jeff gulped.

"You and I both know that I would never do that. Fuck, anyone with half a clue would realize that I could never hurt anyone like that."

"Even me?" Jeff's eyes went wide.

"Especially you." Matt replied "But you know the boss... if it'll draw, he'll do it."

Jeff rubbed the tracks of his tears away. He knelt in front of Matt, holding their hands together.

"Promise me that you'll never stop loving me."

"Jeff, you know..."

"Promise me!" Jeff repeated, a little stronger.

"I promise." Now it was Matt's turn to get emotional. "Imma always love you Jeffro."

"Always?"

"And forever." Matt added

Jeff stood, and placed a light kiss on Matt's forehead. "Lemme help ya finish packing."

"Huh?" Matt asked

"Well, if we're gonna be feudin', we shouldn't be seen sleepin' together." Jeff accentuated his southern drawl.

"That's the part I'm gonna miss..."

"But I do have the room for the rest of the night..." Jeff winked

I wish he'd remembered to turn me over.

TBC


	3. Tommy

The First Time I Met Tommy

Bunny's Note: Thank-you for all those who've commented on my first two adventures. If there are any specific questions or events you'd like me to give you my cute and cuddly slant on, lemme know. Once I get a few, I'll answer them all right here for you.

May 6, 2009

So, have I told you that Jeff really likes to party? Even if I haven't, I'm sure all you members of the Imag-I-Nation know that already. My apologies to Jeff's former neighbors, if there was any way to make him turn down the rock at three in the morning, I'm sure I would... you're not the only ones not getting any sleep! Wait a minute, I don't sleep!

Anyhow, Jeff's throwing one of his loudest bashes in history. I swear, the decibel level might eclipse the record set by the Who back in '77. Don't ask me how I know that. Right in the middle of it, the music suddenly shuts down. I can hear Jeffers talking excitedly, I'm assuming it's to Matt, and then I hear him shout loud enough. "They found him!"

"Found who?" I'm pretty sure it's Shannon who asks this question, but my hearing ain't what it used to be, and now you know why.

"My brother Andy!" At this point, he was still Andy. "We're gonna see him on Saturday!" The music gets cranked back up and the party begins again.

So much for peace, huh? It's weird though. Not two minutes later, Jeff comes into our bedroom and lays down beside me. It's his party, but he's in here? Hmmm...

"Bunny..." Once more those soft hands of his find my fur. "I need some advice."

Advice, from me? Usually, he just talks and I listen.

"Matty's all psyched about this brother thing..."

I can tell what he's thinking. Jeffro's having second thoughts already.

"But what if Matty likes him more than me?" Jeff takes my paw and starts rubbing it. If my leg could start to shake, it would. That's one of my ticklish spots.

If I'd known that less than six months later, "Andy" and my Jeff would not only become real close as brothers, but as lovers, this anxiety would seem almost kinda funny.

"What if he's everything I'm not?" Jeff sighs

"Then Matty's gonna be the happiest person on the planet." It's not my voice, but Shannon's.

"How long have you been standing there, man?" Jeff demands, a little embarrassed about being caught talking to a stuffed animal.

"Long enough." Thankfully, my mental telepathy is good enough that I was able to get someone to answer Jeff's questions. "May I?'

Jeff puts me on the side table where I still have a good view and rolls to one side of the bed. Shannon lies down beside him. Please God, I have seen enough of Jeff's sex life to write a book, the last thing I want is to watch him and the Prince of Punk to exchange anything except conversation right now.

If you want to hear about everyone Jeff has fucked, just you wait... the incidents in the storage closet are well-known by all, including me! I'll tell you sometime.

I'm not going to repeat the entire talk between Jeff and Shannon because you all know what the result is.

Matt and Jeff go to meet Tommy. I almost missed the trip. Jeff's got all his shit packed and I'm still sitting on the hotel bed. I am not a big fan of traveling in a bag with Jeff's used underwear, but it still beats the hell out of riding in the bucket seat of a convertible going one-seventy five down the freeway. My ears almost blew away, as did the rest of me.

I'm off-topic, I know, but sometimes I ramble... deal with it...

I'll skip ahead... Since this chapter is about the first time I met Tommy, I'll cut to the chase. This is after Matt sticks me in his bag so that Jeff doesn't forget me in an airport baggage claim and then forgets to tell Jeff, leading to that uncomfortable situation between Jeff and Riky! I would apologize to the Rratedauthor, but a, I found it funny and b, I can't talk.

Tommy... what did I think? Honestly, and maybe I'm not a good read of people I've just meant, I didn't like him much. There was just something about him I didn't trust and it had nothing to do with I thought maybe my role would be lessened now that he had a third person to go to with his problems, even though that would actually be a good thing.

However, my opinion changed rather quickly the next morning. Matt, Jeff, and Tom (as I came to learn that's what he wanted to be known as) had a long talk before leaving for the airport and I got to understand what makes the man tick. He is the kindest, most compassionate, good-heartedest (I don't think that's a word, but it's my story so what!) person I ever met and that was before he started a physical thing with Jeff; that's what Jeffro told me the night before. Sorry, at least that's what he almost said... here lemme explain what happened in the bathroom at one am...

Jeff had looked over at his sleeping brother and I knew he wanted to say something and with Matt asleep, guess who that someone was gonna be. If you said Bunny, you're right.

So, under the pretext of going to the little Enigma's room, he and I took a little walk. Tom slept with his door open and this was the first time I could see how much love Jeff had for his new older brother. Looking back, I should've read the first signs that Jeff was thinking other things, but I was just happy the way things were. It was also the first time I saw Tom's Lizard, but more about him later.

Jeff propped me on the sink while he did his business. Yes, I've seen him fuck, but watching him go potty is above and beyond the call of my duty. While washing his hands, something I made sure he did before he even considered touching me again, he looked at me. I knew what was coming.

"What do you think of Tommy, Bunny?" Jeff asked, drying his hands on a towel before picking me up.

I didn't really have much to say on the subject. Jeff was gonna make his own decisions and, no matter what, I was gonna be there for the repercussions. I've been there for all of them, the good ones, the bad ones , and the "what the fuck were you thinking?" ones.

I shrugged. Okay, it was more of a fall on my side and roll toward the sink kinda move. I think I've been getting a little lopsided in my old age... maybe Jeff and I should both start going to the gym. First time in my life I've almost drowned and hopefully the last.

"I like him." Jeff stated "He's cool."

I knew there was more. Jeff could talk for pages about the way his hair wouldn't co-operate or the way the sun struck the side of his house. Five words? Nah, there was more. I waited patiently.

"I wish pops didn't hafta die for us to meet him though." Jeff sighed. He still missed the Legend, but who wouldn't? Thirty-one and an orphan. I'm surprised how well Matt has handled things. He hasn't come to me once for advice, a talk, or furry companionship. I guess the divas are more than willing to provide that for him, or so Jeff's told me.

My whole thought was that if he wanted some honest feedback, he should talk to Matt. His older brother... it's really weird that Matt's no longer the "big brother" in the family, but we all take time to adjust to change. Except for Jeff, he "adjusts" real fast, especially his hair color. Okay, I'm rambling again...

Matt was the perfect compliment to Jeff. He could look at things completely neutrally and not get emotionally involved. At least not on the level that Jeff did.

I guess that was all Jeff needed to say. We crawled back into bed minutes later, me scrunched against his neck. I wish Jeffers would also either go clean-shaven or something. It's hard when one minute I'm rubbing against his soft skin and the next it feels like I'm being brushed by sandpaper.

Anyhow, I'm gonna wrap this up before you get bored with my rantings.

Two final statements... the first being that since I've gotten to know Tom, I agree with Jeff. He is one of the most honest, caring, compassionate people on the planet and Matt and Jeff are both really lucky to have him in their lives.

The second... Lizard is hot!

Later, Bunny-fans!

TBC


	4. The Day the Music Died

The Day The Music Died

Message from Bunny: Everyone seems to be enjoying my tales from the road, so I'm back with another one. But first, a question...

Nooks asks: "What color are you? I always picture you being blue."

Well, when I was born I was white with a little bit of pink around my ears, nose and feet, but alas I fear like many people I have gotten a little grayer in my old age. Even cuddle-toys age, and sometimes faster than their owners. After all I've been through, can you blame me?

I know I said I wouldn't dwell on this, but people have asked. So, with Jeffers' permission, here we go...

1986

I remember the details of that day so vividly, it was like it happened only yesterday. I was sunning myself on the window ledge of Matt and Jeff's bedroom, watching them play on their trampoline with their friends Shane and Shannon. There were times when I wondered if those two boys had homes of their own considering how much time they spent with Matt and Jeff.

Today was different, though. I could feel that something was off, and it had nothing to do with what I'd heard the night before. It was maybe five or so in the morning when the phone rang. I heard Gil answer it, then go running through the house like a bat outta hell. I could see a crack of light under the door, then the door opened. Gil Hardy is a big man and his frame blocked most of the light, yet he moved with the stealth of a man half his size. He tiptoed across the room and gently woke Matt.

"Matthew, wake up." He whispered

"Pops, what's wrong?" Matt assumed correctly that something was up.

"The hospital just called. Your ma took a turn. I'm going there now." He replied "Don't say anything to Jeffrey until I get back about this. If you need to, make up a story for the boy."

Now Gil had always preached honesty and integrity to his sons so asking Matt to lie meant that things were real bad.

"I'll be back later today. Find some way to keep Jeff outta trouble." Gil took Matt's face in his calloused hands. "Do you understand me?"

"Yes, Dad." Matt answered

"Good boy." Just as quietly as he'd snuck in, Gilbert crept out of the boys' room.

To his credit, Matt did just as his father had requested, making up a story about going shopping with their aunt when Jeff asked where Daddy was. To take both their minds off things, Matt invited their friends over and they spent the next several hours playing outside.

Late that afternoon, I heard the sounds of Gil's pickup pull into the driveway, but the motor idled for a considerable amount of time before it stopped. Thinking it over, that should've been my first clue that something was wrong.

The four boys were bouncing around, in the early stages of forming what would become the TWF (trampoline wrestling federation) when Gilbert finally got out of his truck.

"Matthew, Jeffrey, could I have a word with you?" I knew what was coming. Gil's voice never squeaked like that. I think Matt and Jeff also knew, well Matt for sure, but they still had hope.

Gilbert took his boys inside. The next thing I hear is Jeff scream, take the steps two at a time, and burst into the room, crying like I've never heard him before. He flings himself onto his bed, smothering his face with his pillow, yet I can still hear his screams. They still haunt me to this day.

I'm still staring out the window. It's kinda strange, because while Jeff's screaming his lungs out, Matt is outside, calming talking to Shane and Shannon. I guess he figured he better tell them. I think he's in shock. Despite what his Dad said that morning, I think Matt had counted on Ruby recovering.

Shane and Shannon hug Matt for a few minutes, then get on their bikes and go. Matt looks up, right into my eyes, and I know what he's doing... he's trying to get up enough courage to come up here.

Hurry up, I implore him. I have never felt so helpless in all my life.

It seems like forever before I hear the comforting sounds of Matt's feet on the stairs. He stands in the open doorway for a minute, breathing slowly through his mouth.

I can feel his eyes on my back. I'm still staring at the now-empty backyard when Matt picks me up and carries me over to where Jeff is still sobbing into his pillow.

"Jeff?" Matt whispers, swallowing loudly.

Jeff raises his tear-streaked eyes to his brother. "Why, Matty? Why'd He have to take momma away from us?" My guess is this is right around the time Jeff started to question religion.

"Jeff, momma's in a better place right now. You know how much she was hurting. Now she's somewhere there is no hurt." Matt sets me down on the bedside table and crawls onto Jeff's bed.

"I don't care... I want momma!" Jeff wailed

"I know.. I do too." Matt whispers, his deep voice getting choked up. This was actually the first time I ever saw Matt cry. "But we've gotta be strong for Daddy and for ourselves." Matt starts stroking Jeff's hair.

"I wish I was dead too... then I could see momma!" Ah, the logic of a nine year old.

"Jeffro, then who would take care of Bunny?" Matt asked. Sure, guilt me into this.

Matt reached behind and picked me up. "You remember when you first got Bunny... how you said you'd love her forever?"

"Mm-hm." Jeff sniffled "So?"

"Momma will love you forever too, even though she's not here to show it." The tears finally fall from Matt's eyes and he actually hugs me. "We also have to be strong for her. We have to help Daddy even more now. Here." Matt places me in Jeff's arms, then curls up behind his little brother.

"No matter what happens, Daddy and I will still love you." Matt whispers "We will both protect you and take care of you."

I guess he got the same vibes from Jeff that I was getting. Jeffro was afraid that everyone was going to leave him. To Matt's credit, I know there were a few times that he wished that his mom was still around so she could deal with Jeff. Ruby always had a way with her youngest. While Gilbert was the strict disciplinarian and believed in compliance, Ruby encouraged her sons to be their own men.

In all honesty, this was when Jeff first started "living for the moment." Thank God the tattoos and piercings did not start until a few years later. Thank God for Matt as well. Without him I may not have survived the next few months. I may be a lot of things... friend, confidante, cuddle-toy, but I am only one Bunny!

TBC

Next time, something a little happier... my first (and so far only) title reign!


	5. Gold!

Gold!

Words from Bunny!

Before I go any further, I'd like to remind you all to submit any questions you may have... today's comes from slashdlite..."How does a Bunny and a Lizard make out?" I would just like to say that Lizard and I are.... wait for it... JUST FRIENDS!!! He hasn't even asked me out on a date, much less anything else. Anyway, my sex life is not why you're reading this... well maybe it is, but we're not going there!

Today, I'm gonna tell you about my fifteen minutes of fame... the day I became Intercontinental champion!

I'm sure you know the history... Jeff quits the company, effectively vacating the Intercontinental championship, a decision I might add he did not consult me before making. I don't know why Vince did what he did, giving the title to Tom. In my opinion, Tom was not nearly ready for that kind of a push! (Don't tell him I said that!)

So Tom waltzes into the hotel room with his newly "won" (notice the quotes) IC title. I'm sure the last thing he expected was to find Jeff in bed with that bellhop. Again, that was not a decision upon which I was consulted, but at least he had the decency to turn me over before eating his "room service". Yes I am being sarcastic, but it's my story so there!

So yadda yadda yadda they argue a little, the bellboy gets literally kicked out of the room, and Tom has his usual lecture for Jeff. I don't think Tom enjoys having to lecture Jeffro, but I can't so somebody's gotta do it.

I was really glad that they finally talked about their earlier sexual encounter because Jeff was so confused about what had happened and where they should go from there. I know because he doted on it day after day for a week after it happened.

Furthermore, I'm not sure if the idea to celebrate was such a good one, but what do I know... I'm just a Bunny! Jeff was really becoming introverted after the whole Morrison thing. The bellboy was the first time he'd had much social contact unless it was with either Jeff, Tom, or both.

Anyhow, Tom goes to get ready. Jeff looks at me, then at Tom's belt which was thrown on the bed, then back at me and I know something's up. As soon as the water starts running, he intones in a loud whisper.

"This contest is scheduled for one fall and it is for the Intercontinental Championship. By order of Jeffrey Nero Hardy, the title can change hands on a count-out. Introducing first, the challenger, weighing four ounces; Bunny!"

Four ounces, eh? I must lay off the buffets I guess.

"And his opponent and champion. From L.A., weighing two hundred sixty-one pounds, Tom Hardy!"

Tom is still in the shower so he doesn't hear this. Jeff frowns. "I guess we start without him." He taps the water glass on the table three times.

"One... two... three... four... five... six... seven... eight... nine... ten!" He taps the glass again.

"Here is your winner, as a result of a count-out, and the new Intercontinental Champion... Bunny!" He raises my paw and hands me Tom's belt. Damn thing nearly crushes me!

He gets that look again and the next thing I know he's rummaging through Tom's travel bag, looking for something. He finds what he is looking for... some white tape and a black marker. I guess Tom couldn't find black wrist tape so he uses white and colors it? He rips a piece just big enough to cover the name band, and writes my name over it before wrapping it around my waist.

"You've had a hard day Bunny... time for nappies!" Jeff sings out. I wish he's stop treating me like a baby. I'm twenty-two for fuck's sake! I know I shouldn't swear, but sometimes I get so mad at Jeff I have to. You know what he can be like.

Tom is so anxious to celebrate he doesn't even realize that he's no longer champion until just before they are ready to leave. I was quite sure that he thought that his title couldn't change hands on a count-out or some junk, but oh well you snooze you lose.

I was still dozing when they came back from their dinner, so when I heard of Tom's challenge for the belt, I didn't think he meant right that second. I'm a fighting Bunny, er, champion, so I accept. What I did not expect was for the big galoot to immediately jump on me, hold me down and makes his own three count. How fair is that! Even Jeff complained due to the lack of a licensed WWE referee, but Tom was right. There wasn't one for our first match and the title changed owners, so I guess one wasn't needed for the rematch. Oh well, at least I was champion longer than "Dean" Douglas.

So, that my friends is how yours truly, for three hours one fateful night, became the Intercontinental Champion. Only thing that really pisses this varmint off is the refusal by the WWE Championship committee to recognize my reign. I mean come on. This is a company that recognized both Terri Runnels reign as hardcore champion and David Arquette as WCW champ.

I'm rambling again. Later, Bunny-aholics!

_Here's your chance for feedback fans... what topic would you like Bunny to talk about next? Send your request (and you don't need to include a self-addressed stamped envelope) to Riky's messaging service. _

_P.S. For those of you who don't know, Riky is the Ratedauthor.  
_


	6. OMG!

OMG!

Magz, this one's for you!

It's your friendly floppy-eared friend with another installment of Adventures with Bunny! Today we're gonna talk about a little something near and dear to my heart... cold-blooded murder! LOL! That's right, I'm shedding some light on the whole JoMo situation.

Off the bat, I'm gonna say that I still think my Jeffers should be in jail right now. I do not approve of the taking of a life, nor do I believe that it is ever justifiable. As such, I do not believe in capital punishment, abortion, nor forcing someone to watch Hannah Montana. But you are not reading this to learn my political views, are you?

Jeffers and JoMo? For the number of times that I witnessed Jeff pleasuring himself while looking at a half-naked photo of Morrison, I figured that we'd be attending a wedding within six months. BTW, check out the video of the Hardy Boyz pantsing MNM in the ring and you'll see my Jeffro's already throwing some serious wood. One nice thing about cargo pants, their ability to hide unwanted arousals, at least most of the time.

I'll skip over the parts you've already heard about... Jeff crying himself to sleep the night Morrison rejected his affections, as well as their interrupted lovemaking on the couch. I don't know why they stopped. I'm sure Tom already knew which way he was going sexually, despite all his angst, so that whole confused thing was just a work.

That being said, JoMo and Jeffro were a good couple. Both party boys at heart, but both serious about their work and their relationships. At least I thought they both serious. You can imagine how I felt when I heard that Morrison was having a little extra-curricular activity with Jay.

Don't get me started on Captain Charisma though. If I had the right equipment, I'd probably go after him myself, but I hear he and Edge have a good thing coming... er, going! ~~Blushes~~

Uhm, where was I??? Oh yes, Jo-fro!

From what I heard from Jeff, apparently Mark decided to have a little fun with JoMo and throw him through a scaffold. I figured this would tell Morrison that things were pretty much over between he and Jeff 'coz usually Mark doesn't do that if he likes you! Notice I said usually, more about him and Glenn some other time.

But I guess Morrison's like that bitch that keeps coming back for more no matter how badly you treat her. No sooner had Jeff finished sobbing his guts out to me than he calls. I can hear the entire conversation. Morrison is trying to apologize for what he did, but like a lot of you, I'm wondering just what kind of excuse he can come up with to make him not seem like a lying, cheating, junkie who's just out for his next quick fix?

It ends with him begging Jeff to come meet him at this club so they can talk it over. Jeff is adamant about not wanting anything more to do with him, but like with a lotta things, Jeff is a pushover and Morrison finally convinces him to come out. The club is in the middle of nowhere so maybe he thinks that there's less chance of anyone from work stopping by? I dunno what went on inside John's head. I only wish I had his six pack. (And his pecs, quads, butt, and for sure his hair!)

But you know what Jeff did to Morrison's car, but do you know why he did it? To my surprise, it had nothing to do with Jay. This is what I heard, and since it came right from Jeff's mouth, I don't doubt it. He might have embellished it a little, but he usually doesn't lie to me. He went to the club. Morrison's car is parked in that little roped area they reserve for tour buses and so forth so he knows he's in the right place. Why he brought me along I don't know. He knows I rarely drink anymore and even if I did, I didn't bring my ID with me.

He asked me if I wanted to come in with him or wait in the car. Hmmm, being stuck in a room full of obnoxious drunks and maybe have beer poured all over me or just chill in Jeff's 'vette. I chose the chill once Jeff promised me he'd put on some music.

Jeff's maybe in there fifteen minutes, and I'm just starting to mellow out. It's very stressful being me, so when I can I tend to chillax. When he comes out, though, he's anything but mellow. I can see him mouth the words "I'll show him!" and then he's rummaging through the tool box he keeps in the trunk. I see him walk over to Morrison's car and crawl underneath it with a pair of cutters. He takes less than a minute and then he's back, tossing the tool into the trunk and then joining me in the front seat.

The way he's gripping the steering wheel tells me that things aren't any better.

"Asshole!" He moans, leaning over the wheel and taking a deep hitching breath.

There goes my night, I think.

"Am I really that fucking stupid Bunny?"

Does he want an honest answer?

"I though maybe we could work it out but I guess not. You know what I saw? He was dancing with this guy and he hand his hands between his legs!" Jeff looks at me, eyes watering. "But I showed him. I cut his fucking gas lines. If he's like the Morrison of old, he'll be one of the last ones to leave and he'll be stranded here because he'll be outta gas."

Two things I learned later on. One, Jeff is a vindictive SOB when the mood gets him and two, he doesn't know his gas line from his brake line.

For what he did, I don't believe Morrison deserved what he got. Which is why, like I said, I think Jeff should be in jail right now. But I also learned how close some people are to Jeff. What his brothers were willing to do to protect him was incredible. I don't know if I had the strength of character to be willing to risk going to jail for a crime I didn't commit for someone I loved.

At least, it was a happy ending. Jeff found someone who truly loves him and I have never seen him happier than he is now. Except for that night when he and Matty first won the WWF tag team titles, but that's another story.

TBC

_Another page turned in the book that is Bunny! Remember, guys and gals, read, review, and send your questions or ideas to me! Bunny loves hearing from her fans!_


	7. The First Time Is Always The Nicest

The First Time is Always the Nicest

Message from Bunny: Here we go again! It's been asked, after hearing about Jeff's activities in the last chapter, and hopefully the investigators don't read these because from what Jeff has told me, the case is still open! Although how they could use a stuffed rabbit's blog as evidence is beyond me! But where was I??? Oh yeah, the question. Where was I while Jeff was locked up?

The assumption is correct that I wasn't with Jeff, although if they'd let me be with him, I'm sure that Jeff would confess to everything from killing JoMo to the Kennedy assassination to sneaking downstairs and watching scrambled porn when he was fifteen! I was holed up at the compound, waiting desperately for someone to tell me something, anything! But alas, I was in the dark for days! Talk about panic! Not even Shannon came by to talk! Not fun at all!!!

Today's topic is the events of July 5th, 1999. The place: Fayetteville, North Carolina. The situation: Matt and Jeff win their first Tag Team Championship and in their home state, nonetheless! In fact, Fayetteville is only about 30 miles from Cameron.

This was back when Jeff used to let me watch RAW. He'd leave the television on before he left so I'm watching along with the rest of the WWE universe. I almost fall over when Matt hits that tornado DDT and gets the one two three on Bradshaw. Okay, Michael Hayes and his cane helped a little, but still!

I"m sure you've all seen the match, so I won't harp on it. But the boys had a good time afterward. They went out and had a couple. Not too many, because Jeff was barely legal at the time and if you've seen the match, he looks like he's still in his teens!

Two in the morning, they stroll into the house. I'm still waiting for them, watching the late movie and Matt is drunk. He's trying to sing some rap song and not only can he not sing worth a crap, but he can't even remember half the words.

"C'mon Matty, let's get you to bed. We gotta house show in Charlotte at seven and we don't wanna disappoint Mr. McMahon by showing up hungover." Jeff grabs me and carries us both up to their shared bedroom. They decided to spend the night at home for old time's sake.

"Shh, Matty, we can't wake up Daddy!" Jeff whispers when Matt decides to try singing again.

"Daddy's with auntie, remember?" Matt whispers conspiratorially. "We should raid his liquor cabinet and have a real party!"

"No, Matty, we're gonna get some sleep! We've had a long day." Whoa! Jeff being responsible??? For a moment, I thought I was drunk hearing that!

"I don't wanna sleep, I wanna party!" Matt starts to jump on the bed. Horrified that he might break it, Jeff grabs Matt's trouser leg to pull him down, but all he succeeds in doing is pulling Matt's pants down.

"Awww, Matty, commando?" Jeff scrunched his face at the sight of his brother's flopping pecker.

Matt suddenly decided that jumping on the bed wasn't all that much fun and he flopped down.

"It's fun." Matt answered

"What is?" Jeff asked

"Not wearing anything under my jeans. That way, if a girl wants to play with you, she doesn't have far to go." Matt slurred "You should try it sometime."

"No thanks. I'd rather not have denim rubbing against my dick. Prolly wear the skin right off." Jeff replied

"It's not too bad." Matt looks over, his eyes shining. "Sometimes it makes me hard. Wanna see?"

"Matt, I've seen your dick so many times I've lost count." Jeff really just wanted to get some sleep. "We've been changing in front of each other for years."

"Yeah, but you've never seen little Matt at his full potential." Matt smiled warmly. "But I've seen yours."

"Matty, you said you'd never tell!" Jeff shouted "And that was years ago!"

"Little, bro I would never!" Matt sighed "Now that you've finally found someone you like, I guess I gotta do the same."

"What about that Amy girl I saw you talking to?" Jeff asked

"Jeff, she's really nice, but... girls don't do it for me." Matt looked over and Jeff could see fear in his eyes.

I knew what was coming. I had known for months that Matt was struggling with his sexuality, but I never thought he'd come out this way.

"Matty, are you gay?" Jeff asked, still a little naive.

"I'll understand if you want me to keep my distance, now that you're with Beth. Can't have her think you're anything but straight." Matt kicked off the rest of his clothes and climbed under the covers.

Jeff was stunned. I was stunned and I knew.

"Damn! Matt, how long have you... I mean... ???" Jeff was having a real hard time elucidating his thoughts.

"I don't wanna talk about it." Matt snuggled under the covers.

"Well I do. How could you keep something like this from me? We tell each other everything and you keep something this important from me!" Jeff yelled "And I don't care who fuckin' hears this."

"Whatever..." Matt replied

"Whatever... that's your answer? Whatever?" Jeff stormed out of the bedroom.

I think Matt fell asleep before Jeff came back into the room. Jeff quickly changed into his pajamas and got into bed, I think he was a little afraid that Matt was gonna make another move on him.

Jeff brought me down for breakfast the next morning. Gil was in the midst of his morning fry-up.

"Mornin', son."

"Mornin' pops."

"I say ya on the tellervision las' night. You boys finally did it!"

"Yeah, we did." Jeff replied,. His lack of enthusiasm was the first clue. He poured a cup of coffee and sat at the table, staring morosely at it.

"Jeffrey, something bothering you?" Gil asked

"Dad, has Matt told you that he's y'know...?"

"Queer?" Gil finished "Yep."

"He told me last night." Jeff replied

"Good."

"Good? My brother is a fag and you say it's good!" Jeff exclaimed

"No, it's good that he told you. Matt and I have never been real close, emotion-wise since your ma died, but it's nice to know that he loves us enough to share this part of himself with us." Gilbert answered "Three or four eggs?"

"Four." Jeff answered "Oh, then you're okay with this?"

"I didn't say that, son. I'm old-fashioned and we are in the Dirty South. You know I have always been protective of you two giving off any hints of anything, but I can't live your lives for you. You boys have made your own choices and I'll stand by them. At least y'all are makin' some money with that wrasslin' thing." Gil returned to his skillet.

I'm not sure who was more shocked by Gil's words... me or Jeff. I think we both expected a bible lesson about how "man shall lot lie with man as he does woman".

Footsteps on the stairs indicated the arrival of the elder Hardy boy.

"Mornin' Matthew. Eggs are almost ready."

Matt sat down opposite Jeff. "We need to talk." He mouthed

Breakfast was eaten quickly and quietly and once the dishes were done, Gil left for his morning rounds.

"What do you think we need to talk about?" Jeff retorted "Everything's perfectly clear to me. No! My brother is a sick freak!"

"I guess we don't need to talk then." Matt runs out the front door.

"Fuckin' smart, Jeffro." If I coulda, I would've slapped the shit outta him right there. I can't even cross my paws to show my indignation. Maybe something in my body language does get to him, because moments later, he runs after Matt.

"Matty, wait!" Jeff gets on his motorcycle and stuffs me in his jacket. Ouch!

Jeff drives all over town, shouting his brother's name. He finally finds Matt, perched on top of a hill at the old gravel pit where they used to race. Jeff parks and climbs the hill. I'm pretty sure he has no idea what the hell he's doing, but this is Jeffro we're talking about... he doesn't always make careful thought-out decisions.

He drops down beside Matt and they stare out into space. From there, you can see most of the town.

"Go away Jeff." Matt finally says

"Matt, I am not going away." Jeff replies "I wasted half a tank of gas finding your sorry ass and I'm not wasting the rest of it until we have this settled."

"What's there to settle?" Matt wouldn't even look Jeff in the face. "You made your position quite clear."

"I've always been good with words." Jeff smiled "But this time I think I put them in the wrong order?"

"Wrong order? How else can you arrange no, my brother is a sick freak?" Matt answered

"Is my brother a sick freak? No." Jeff said

Matt finally looked over at his younger brother. His eyes clearly conveyed that he didn't believe what he was hearing.

"Love is one of those weird things that affects all of us differently." Jeff answered "I just never thought... I mean, what happened years ago, I thought that was just curiosity because we never talked about it."

"I wanted to, but I didn't know how to."

"Matty, if you're into guys that's none of my business." Jeff answered "It's just that, hell, you know I haven't had a lot of experience with sex. And I was afraid that if I allowed myself to do what you wanted last night, I'd destroy our bond."

"You mean you wanted to?" Matt asked

"Part of me was curious." Jeff answered "I mean, you made me cum but we fell asleep before I could return the favor."

While this was touching, I wished Jeff hadn't thrown on his leather jacket before leaving. I was suffocating.

"Jeffro, nothing can destroy what we have."

"I know." Jeff rubbed Matt's neck. "So... do you still want me to see little Matty at his full potential?

Matt's eyes shone. "Only if you want to."

"I wonder if that old hidey-hole in the grove is still there?"

"Only one way to find out." Matt and Jeff raced to Jeff's bike and drove off to the fort they'd built almost a decade ago.

I think if either of them had known what was going to happen almost a decade later, this whole incident would almost seem funny. BTW, if you watch the match they had on the following week's RAW, you'll see how much closer they are. Just thought I'd tell you why!

TBC


	8. Jack Tyler, Come on Down!

Jack Tyler, Come On Down!

Words from the Wabbit: Sorry, I haven't updated recently, but I had a fight with lizard. He took offense when I said we were just friends. I guess he thought we were more than that... hey, just because I gave him a tummy rub does not mean I want to do the nasty with him. Besides, he's purple... can you imagine what our kids would look like... eech!

Today's topic... another stupid thing Jeff did. (As if that narrows things down???)

I may rip into him a lot, but deep down Jeff is just like the rest of us... he wants to be loved, and cherished, and cuddled... Fuck, he sounds like me... I guess that's why we've stayed together for so long. However, his choice of bed-partners sometimes leaves things to be desired. Case in point, that moron that he hooked up with after meeting on "The Price Is Right".

I knew this union was not going to work the moment I set eyes on him. Call it a hunch, call it Bunny's intuition, call it whatever, but I knew that this relationship was doomed right from the start. For one thing, the only thing that he and Jack had in common was love of wrestling. It almost made me wish that a ninety-year-old grandmother from Encino had won the showcase instead of this jerk.

Not much happens right away, because they are still squaring away the legal ramifications of Jack being in a WWE ring. Y'know, in case he 'accidentally' gets choke slammed by Kane. (That might have been a good thing!) From what Jeff told Matt, this guy was only supposed to stand on the ring apron like a good little boy. Matt and Jeff were doing all the work. You see, it was originally designed to be Matt, Jeff, and Tom in this match, but with Tommy out with his nerve damage, they had to fill and fill quickly.

So, Matt, Jeff, and this Jack guy are sitting around the hotel room, going over exactly what Jack's role is gonna be and then he says something like "Any chance you guys could show me a couple moves?"

Matt is dead set against it, and I wish I could say Jeff was too, but if he was, then we wouldn't be here.

"Sure." My Jeffers blurts out before his brain has a chance to work. "Nothin' major, though."

Matt's eyes bulged. If there was ever a point where Matt had to really control the urge to shake the shit out of his little brother, it was right then.

"Jeffro, this is not a good idea." Matt cautioned him.

"Awww Matty, live a little." Jeff answered

"Dude, McMahon will fire both our asses if he hears about this!" Matt shouted

"How's he gonna know?" Jeff demanded

"Fine." Matt obviously didn't want to argue right now. "But if it comes out that you were teaching this guy, then it's all on you. I had nothing to do with it. In fact, I am leaving." He stormed out of the room, leaving the three of us.

So Jeff shows him a few simple moves, how to lock up, an arm bar, stuff like that and Tyler actually seems to learn it pretty well. Not good. Definitely not good. After half-an-hour of this, Jeff decided that he's shown him enough holds, but Tyler seems to have other ideas. Actually, I know he has other ideas.

"There is one other thing you could show me." He says

"What?" I'm pretty sure Jeff wasn't think body parts when he asked.

"Your dick." Tyler replied, all very calm and cool-like.

I thought he was kidding and I'm almost positive Jeff thought so too. I was even more sure when he asked "Are you fuckin' with me, man? 'Coz if you are, I'll throw you out on your motherfuckin' ass. Dude, I got someone."

At this point, I had no idea how close the relationship with Tom was. I assumed he was saying this to derail Jack's thought train.

"So do I." Tyler answers "Just this once... please?"

"Okay, but don't tell Matt." Why Jeff was more concerned with that brother finding out confused me.

One of these days, science will come up with a way to put vocal cords into cuddle-toys so we can warn our owners when they are about to make really big mistakes. But until then, we're doomed to watch them do stupid things. Seconds later, when Jeff's jeans were pooled at his ankles, and his thong was hanging at his knees, I realized that I was about to witness another of these stupid things.

I hoped it wouldn't be a massively stupid thing that Jeff was doing, but that hope was shot to shit when I heard Jeff gasp, then several familiar slurping noises. I may not be as world-wise as some people, but I can recognize the sounds of a blow job when I hear it, and particularly when the recipient is one Jeffrey Nero Hardy. As you know, he is not the quietest person on the planet when it comes to that. Why he complains about Matt being loud is something I'm still trying to figure out.

This goes one for about five minutes, and I'm praying that Matt will come back and see this so he can maybe talk some sense into his younger brother. When he comes to below the belt, Jeff refuses to take my advice on any matter relating thereof, so I've stopped trying. Usually, he comes crying to me anyway when it falls apart, so the best I can do is a silent "I told you so."

The sucking noises are getting more frequent, Jeff's moans are getting louder, his hips are thrusting faster and I know this is only going to lead, pardon the literary term, to a climax. This occurs with a loud exclamation of "Fuck!" and then Jeff collapses down onto his bed, narrowly missing me.

Seconds later, just as I am hoping that everything will return to normal, the whole sorry mess starts up again. Only this time it's Tyler asking for, actually demanding is a better word, services.

Right about now, I realize that Jeff has fallen for this guy. Yeah, I know what you're thinking... "How was this time different?" Well, unless it's Matt, Jeff usually won't go down on someone he's going to have a working relationship with. I also realize that this guy is just using Jeff at about the same time. Whereas Jeff wasn't too forceful when he was receiving, Tyler is. By the end of it, he's holding my Jeffro's head still while he face-fucks him, damn near choking him with his cock. And he doesn't even have the courtesy to warn Jeff when he's about to come, he just blows his load.

Afterward, he's all apologetic and stuff, but I wasn't buying it. But apparently I was the only one. Hell, even Matt must've thought the thing with Tom was just a phase because he agreed to Jeff's request not to tell. It wasn't coincidence that Jeff finally told Tom about their relationship the day the show aired.

I will give Tom credit. If it were me, I would've let Jeff continue on the path he was on. Forget trying to help, but I guess that whole brotherly love thing overrode the whole fucking thing. He was a stand-up guy and without him and Matt, we might not be having this conversation right now.

Put me up for adoption, indeed!

Later, Bunny-boosters!

TBC

_Remember, send me any questions, comments, or dirt you'd like to know to my answering service! AKA Rratedauthor's in-box!_


	9. A Night To Remember

A Night To Remember

Sorry for the delay, but Lizard and I went on vacation to the Caymans. Yes, we took Tom and Jeff with us.

Questions have been asked about Jeff's relationship with the Prince of Punk. As I mentioned in one of my earlier tales, I had witnessed them take that friendship to another level.

Jeff was relaxing at home with me back in 2005. We were finally off the road. Not that TNA was "on the road" much back then, but it was still nice to wake up in our own bed. Jeff was just dozing off when we were interrupted by several loud bangs on the front door. Strange, yes. Jeff's family and friends usually just walked in, and total strangers avoided this place like Area 51, so both of us were a little surprised.

"Wait here." Jeff went to answer the door. Did I mention that Jeff sometimes forgets that I'm not alive???

I heard something that sounded like a conversation, but I couldn't recognize Jeff's voice much less who he was talking to. I heard feet on the carpet, then Jeff came back into the room looking thoughtful.

He grabbed me off the bed and carried me BY THE EAR into the living room. Shannon was sitting on the couch and he looked miserable.

"Here." Jeff threw me at the Prince of Punk. I bounced off his Mohawk and did a face plant onto his lap. Of the Cameron boys, Jeff and Shannon hung around a lot. Shane and Matt seemed to pair off as well when they weren't doing something as a foursome.

"I can't believe she just fuckin' left me." Shannon sighed. "After everything we've been though..."

So that was the reason I had my face buried in Shannon's crotch. His wife had left him. What exactly I was supposed to do to make this better I was not exactly sure. As far as I could tell, it was a done deal. Shannon would just have to move on. At least the Reject took my face away from his groin.

Jeff was sitting cross-legged in an arm chair, looking sad. "Shanny, I'm sorry. I wish there was some way I could make everything all better."

''Sokay, Jeffro. She was the first girl I really loved. I guess maybe I just went a little too far." Shannon replied "Maybe it was a mistake to go after girls in the first place."

Jeff raised his eyebrow. "You mean you're into guys?"

Shannon shook his head. He looked down at his lap, at me, and then back to his lifelong friend. "I dunno. I've been having feelings for a while and I can't figure out which way I go."

"Dude, you just gotta be honest with yourself." Jeff replied "Anyone who knows you won't judge you."

Silence followed as Shannon struggled to find the right words. "There is this one guy..."

"And..." Oh my little Jeffro, so predictable!

"I know he likes me as a friend, but I don't know how he'll take it if I told him the truth." Shannon answered

"Shanny, if you want to know if this thing is gonna work you have to tell him." Jeff replied

"But what if he hates me after I tell him?" Shannon's eyes widened at the prospect.

"Then he's not worth having that kind of relationship with in the first place." Jeff shrugged "Who is he? Do I know him? What's his name?"

Shannon stared at me. I had a feeling I knew the answer already. "Oh, crap!" I thought.

"His name is Jeff."

"Jeff? That's my name... what a coincidence!" Jeff exclaimed

"Not really." Shannon replied, staring into my eyes. Then he looked up at Jeff, and there was hope.

Jeff's mouth opened slowly. I recognized this as a combination of shock and Jeff processing this new information.

"Me?" Why Jeff was sounding so surprised was a little weird to me. I know Jeff and I know that he had feelings for Shannon for a long time.

"Don't hate me too." Shannon seemed to be slipping and Jeff's habit of saying the wrong things at the wrong time was foremost in my mind.

"Shanny, I don't hate you." Jeff climbed off the chair and knelt in front on Shannon. "I just wish you'd said something instead of letting this fester inside."

"But won't this make things awkward for us... I mean, won't you think..."

"Shanny, don't start thinking now!" Jeff placed his hands on Shannon's thighs. "You should know me well enough..."

"Jeff, I... ohhhhh." Shannon gasped when Jeff's hands moved a little higher and started rubbing his dick through his pants.

"I have a confession, too." Jeff smiled widely. "I've had a secret crush on my best friend too."

"Really? For how long?" Shannon sighed, now fully erect.

"Since forever. Shanny, I've always thought of you as more than a friend, and now I finally get a chance to prove it."

"Put me down, please!" I begged "I don't wanna see this... I really don't!"

Shannon was kind enough to put me down, and he even turned me away from the action. However, I was now facing the full-length mirror in Jeff's hall so I could still see everything happening behind me.

Shannon slid down on the couch a little more to give Jeff more access to him and Jeff certainly took advantage of it, unbuckling his pants without so much as a word and caressing him through his underwear. Shannon's eyes were closed, his mouth opened slightly as wordless moans escaped his parted lips.

"I've wanted this for so long." Shannon thought

"I can tell."

Shannon blushed when he realized he had vocalized his thoughts. This mild feeling of embarrassment soon disappeared when Jeff roughly jerked his pants and underwear off and took his entire length into his mouth.

"Oh... fuck..." Shannon melted into the couch at the feel of Jeff's mouth surrounding him. The added sensations of Jeff's tongue and piercing nearly made him lose it right away, but he forced himself to hold back. This might be a once in a lifetime opportunity, so he'd better not waste it by blowing his load like a teenager.

"Oh, Shanny..." Jeff sang, removing his cock from his mouth. Shannon suddenly gasped at the loss of stimulation.

"W-W-what..." Shannon whispered, his wet dick visibly throbbing.

"Wanna fuck me?" Jeff offered

"Please... I wanna...." Shannon moaned.

"Say no more, bro." Jeff stood and quickly stripped. He straddled Shannon's lap and without a moment's hesitation, impaled himself on the pole.

Shannon gasped as he was surrounded by Jeff's warmth. "I'm not hurting you, am I?" He'd noticed Jeff hadn't bothered with anything like lube or even prepping himself.

"Shhh. Just enjoy!" Jeff bent over to kiss his friend and lover before raising himself and then dropping back down. He was so tight, Shannon feared he wouldn't last long enough to enjoy it.

He reached for Jeff's cock, hoping that Jeff would allow him to at least give him a small bit of the pleasure he was currently receiving in return and Jeff didn't disappoint. Shannon jerked his dick, already surprisingly hard, in time to the thrusts he was planting inside him.

"That feels soooo good." Jeff cooed

"Not half as good as I'm feeling." Shannon gasped

Jeff looked down at him and took in the sight of the muscular young man, lightly covered in a sheen of sweat that magnified his tattoos and made him all the more sexy. How any woman could leave this behind Jeff didn't know, but right now he didn't care. He just enjoyed the ride as Shannon's thrusting increased and was matching the speed at which he was being stroked. He sensed Shannon wouldn't last much longer.

"Oh God.... Jeffro... I'm gonna shoot bro.... ahhhh!" Jeff had clenched his cheeks tightly, trapping Shannon's member inside him as he emptied his load. The feel of liquid splashing against his prostate was enough to send him over the edge and he came shortly after.

"Wow!" Shannon gasped, basking in the glow of what had just happened.

Jeff curled up beside him, and gently traced one of the designs on Shannon's neck with his finger.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" Shannon asked

"Shanny, you could never hurt me. Now we'd better get dressed. Matty's supposed to be comin' over for dinner." Jeff rolled off me and, grabbing our clothes, went into the bathroom. Shannon followed, I guess he assumed that's what Jeff wanted. It was a long ten minutes before they both came out, properly attired again.

"You sure everything's okay?" Now it was Jeff's turn to ask.

"It is now." Shannon quickly kissed Jeff on the cheek before heading out the door. Matt pulled in as Shannon was pulling out.

"Was that Shannon?" Matt asked

"Yeah... his girl left him and he needed someone to talk to." Jeff replied

"I heard the rumors." Matt replied "He's okay now?"

Jeff stared into space when the memory came back. "Yeah, man, Shanny's okay. In fact, he's brilliant right now."

"Y'know, you should become a therapist. You seem to have a way with making people forget their troubles."

If he only knew!

Until next time!!!


	10. The End

The End

Rabbit, Estelle "Bunny" (Dec.25, 1986 – October 17, 2009) Aged 22 years, peacefully at her home after a lengthy illness. One of seventeen children of Peter and Margaret Rabbit, of MacGregor's field, she is survived by her brother Louis, his wife Angela, and their children Dominic, Christian, Oswald, Philip, Suzanne, and Beatrice.

She is also survived by her longtime companion Jeff Hardy of Cameron, North Carolina, his husband Thomas Baker-Hardy, and brother Matthew Hardy also of Cameron.

Bunny was a member of Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SPCA), the Anti-fur league, and the Imagi-nation for many years. She was predeceased by two parents, brothers Frederick, James, Stephen, Jason, Adam, and sisters Andrea, Beth, Christine, Louisa, Mary, Patricia, Lillian, Valerie, Denise, and Dolores.

The family will be receiving visitors at the Bechtel Funeral Home and Crematorium from 6:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. on Tuesday, October 20, 2009 with funeral services to be held Wednesday at 10:30 a.m. Internment at the offices of Dr. Steven Richards, veterinarian to follow. Reception to follow at the Hardy Compound, 352 Boys Camp Rd Cameron, NC.

Donations to the SPCA may be made as an expression of sympathy.

...

"How's that?" Jeff turned to me for approval. It looked fine to me. What really surprised me was that Jeff would agree to do this. I thought he was going to try to turn this into a trending topic on Twitter... how's that for alliteration?

Now you may be asking me why? Why? Because this got way too big for even me and Riky to handle. What was supposed to be a few cutesy one-shots to join the club soon grew a life of it's own. I apologize to everyone who sent in suggestions and questions, but I am only one rabbit and an old one at that. I will however, conclude, with one last story. This one goes back a few years to a dark and stormy night...

"Bunny wanna drink?" Jeff's habit of offering me food and drink was cute. Well, at least it was cute when he was nine or ten, but now it was kinda creepy. Politely, I declined and curled into my Jeffro's arms to wait out a really bad storm.

"Imma glad you're here." Jeff nuzzled my fur.

I know what he meant. Since Jeff had left the WWE, he didn't have his big brother around to console him during thunderstorms. Who knows what Jeff would be like if I wasn't around.

We heard several bangs on the screen door. At least Jeff did. My hearing isn't what it used to be. Jeff jumped a little.

"Who could it be now?" Leaving me on the sofa while he went to answer the door, I hoped that there wasn't a big crash of thunder while he was away.

I strained to hear what Jeff was saying, but he was either talking in very low tones or the rain was just that loud, or I was even deafer than I thought, or maybe all three. Jeff wanders back in a moment or two later, and Matt follows. Now you'll forgive my language, but Matt looked like he'd just found out his best friend was fuckin' his wife. Which, as I soon found out, was precisely what had happened.

"Matty, are you sure?" Jeff asked

"Yup." I could see tears in his eyes. "I sent you the messages, bro. Check your voice mail."

Jeff grabbed his cell phone from the desk and listened to them. His expression changed. He looked really pissed off. Now, I know that the only thing that really angers my Jeffy is when people hurt his family or friends, and Matt was at the top of that list.

"What the fuck?" He yelled "Why would Addy do something like that... and to you of all people?"

"What really pisses me off is that Amy thought that she could keep it from me." Matt put his head in his hands.

"I guess she wasn't the right person for you." Jeff put his arm around Matt and hugged him. At that simple contact, I started getting real damp real fast, and it was only partly because I was sandwiched between Jeff and his wet brother. Matt lost it in a big way. He must've cried for hours.

This was really strange. Jeff was always the emo one. I guess that's why Gil and Ruby brought me into the picture in the first place. Matt, as I've said before, was, and is, the one who's least likely to get emotional.

"I wish there was some way I could make you forget the hurt?" Jeff sighed, rubbing Matt's back softly.

I wished there was some way he could make me forget the hurt.. oh wait, there is... get me outta here!

Jeff finally let go of Matt and thankfully, I was free.

"Jeffro?" Matt looked at his younger brother.

"What Matty?"

"Love me." It was closer to a statement than a question.

"I do love you." Jeff replied

"No... I mean... love me." Matt's red eyes told the whole story. "You're the only person who has never hurt me. I feel safe with you."

"Matty, I'll always love you, but I don't know if I can do what you're asking." Jeff looked really torn up.

"Jeffy, please?" Matt begged "I need it little brother... just this once."

Just this once, I thought, now where have I heard that before????

Jeff stared at me. I stared right back. Jeff was having serious second thoughts about this. When he and Matt had promised as teens that they would always be there for each other, I don't think this is what Jeff had in mind.

"Y-y-you won't hurt me, will you?" Jeff's voice showed just how nervous he was.

"I would never hurt you, Jeffro!" Matt responded

_Until you hit him with a chair and cost him his world title, that is!_

"Okay, Matty... just this once!"

"Thank-you..." Matt leaned in and kissed Jeff full on the lips.

"Uhhh... Matty?" Jeff asked

"What?" Matt pulled back, the desire evident in his face.

"Not here." Jeff ran up the stairs, once more carrying me by the ear. Matt followed. I prayed that wherever Jeff threw me, the landing would be soft.

NOPE! Face-plant off the corner of the nightstand. My cheek had an indentation for weeks after.

Matt attacked Jeff like a hungry animal, and for a second, it seemed like maybe his promise not to hurt Jeff was going to turn out to be a lie. He pulled Jeff's shirt off with a violent tug and started kissing his neck and pecs, working his way down his abs to his navel then back up the other side.

"Mmmm...." Jeff moaned, he was definitely enjoying it. Any hesitation he had was disappearing faster than his clothes were.

Matt tugged Jeff's pants and boxers down to his ankles and started licking his way up Jeff's legs. Jeff giggled and squirmed around, but Matt lightly held him down.

"Matty, that tickles..." Jeff laughed "Stop it... ahhh." Matt turned the licks to kisses once he had reached his thighs. Jeff raised his hips slightly, the feeling of Matt's lips turning him on more than anything else in his young life.

Matt's mouth traced across the contours of Jeff's groin, giving attention to every bump, every ridge, every curve, until Jeff was moaning in ecstasy. Matt was heading for Jeff's member, when Jeff moaned something that sounded like stop.

"Stop?" Matt asked

"Matty... please... this is supposed to be for you and I'm getting all the pleasure." If Jeff's hard cock was any indication, then Jeff was getting a lot of pleasure.

"It's okay, Jeffro."

"No it isn't." Jeff propped himself up and focused on Matt. "Get over here and let me love you."

Matt smiled deeply, obeying Jeff's command. Pretty soon, Matt's clothes were in a heap on the floor and Jeff was performing the same moves that Matt had just finished. Only he didn't stop when he reached Matt's dick. He teased the soft flesh with the tip of his tongue, making Matt moan and gasp loudly.

Hearing that makes me wish I had a dick so I could experience some of what Jeff was giving to Matt, but alas, I have to settle for hugs and kisses.

Matt inhaled loudly when Jeff took his cock fully into his mouth. He wasn't completely hard yet, but a few suck-strokes soon changed that.

Now it was Matt's turn to thrash on the bed. Jeff had a harder time keeping Matt down, but he managed somehow.

"Matty, I am not going to turn this into something you'd get from a ten dollar hooker!" Jeff frowned. "You want to be loved, so Imma love ya." He climbed on top of Matt and kissed him lightly, tenderly, almost like Matt was fine lace that would tear if too much pressure was put on it.

Jeff is the kind of guy who enjoys giving pleasure to whomever he is with, whether it be man, woman, or... never mind. Watching him take away the pain that Amy had caused was rather sweet. Several times, Matt seemed like he wanted Jeff to be more forceful, more demanding, but Jeff didn't go along with it.

Jeff took his time slicking Matt's dick with his tongue, getting him ready for what was to follow.

"Matty, look at me." Jeff begged

Matt opened his eyes and stared at his baby brother.

"I love you."

"I love you too." Matt sighed

Jeff suddenly sat down, stuffing Matt's dick deep inside him.

"Fuck!" Matt leaned forward when he felt Jeff's warmth envelope him.

"I'm not hurting you, am I?" Jeff said, then started to move up and down on him.

"No... fuck, it's that..." Matt gasped "Amy was never like this... fuck Jeffro, faster."

Jeff closed his eyes, picking up his pace a touch. To Matt, this felt so good. Not just the sex, but knowing that the person doing it truly loved him.

"Jeff, I'm there." Matt groaned

Jeff quickly raised himself, then lowered quickly. Again and again he did it, until Matt erupted, filling his tunnel with his love soup. Without giving even a thought to his own raging hard-on, Jeff curled up in Matt's arms.

"Thank-you, Jeffro." Matt whispered, snuggling deeper.

"You're welcome Matty." Jeff sighed, feeling drowsy.

The storm outside contradicted the utter peacefulness inside the room and the two men were soon sound asleep in each other's arms.

Officially, this is THE END!


	11. Back By Popular Demand

Back By Popular Demand...

Since Bunny passed away, Riky has been inundated with requests (okay two) to bring back "Adventures with Bunny". I know he never gives in to peer pressure unless his friends tell him to and since I've been around Jeff for awhile, guess who got roped into firing the engine up again. Yup, me!

I hope this is worth it!

Sincerely,

Lizard!

* * *

Ramblings

I would like to start by asking if the way the "Feud" between Matt and Jeff was ended seemed like it was thrown together by the same people who write for "Days of Our Lives"? It did to me. I was watching it with Tom and we both nearly fell out of our seats, not with excitement at seeing the Hardys ride again, but with laughter. I mean, come on! I could have bought it a lot easier if Matt had done what that fan was screaming. Do you remember when Matt was helping Jeff off the canvas? Some guy in the crowd was screaming "twist of fate". Now that would have been entertaining. Just 'coz Jeffro was leaving the company, legitimately, why choose to ignore the past nine months? I'll tell you why. Somebody's kid wanted to see Matt and Jeff in one more match. When I find out who the brat in question was, I'll let you know.

Next thing... the whole angle with CM Punk was so poorly executed, I can't begin to tell you. The second Punk said match versus career, everyone and I mean everyone knew what the outcome was going to be, especially with Mark making his return at Summerslam. Nothing against Mark personally, but he was thrown into a storyline that he didn't belong in at all. His best days are behind him, and giving him the title was like flogging a dead horse: trying to get as much mileage out of his as possible.

If I, or anyone else on this planet, had been writing this storyline, this is how it should've gone...

Matt doesn't return until Summerslam. He costs the Jeff the title against Punk and they restart their feud the following week. This culminates in a match, no loser leaves stipulations, but one in which Matt literally beats the shit out of Jeff. They should've done what they did with Paul Bearer, without the cement of course. Jeff gets taken out and we never see him again. I mean, the entire WWE universe knew that Jeff was leaving so why ruin a perfectly good match by setting up a stipulation that pretty much gives away the ending? Because the idiots who write this stuff, (and Vince included since he has ultimate control over it), have forgotten that the fans of the WWE are not stupid.

Anyways, that's just my opinion...

That being said, Jeff and Phil... there's an interesting couple. Phil came over to the house the night before their final match to go over what they wanted to do. (each other)

"Pepsi's in the fridge." Jeff sang out happily the second Phil had dropped his muddy shoes. Tom would have a fit if he'd knew who was tracking mud across his hardwood.

"Awesome." Phil helped himself to a can. "Before we get too involved in this match, can I ask you somethin'?"

"Sure, Philly." Jeff was drinking beer. "What's on your mind, other than me?"

"That's sorta what I mean. Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with you, but I really need to clear the air about us."

"What about us?" Jeff looked a little nervous.

"Well, I... how can I put this? I think we need some time apart."

"Time apart... why?" Jeff demanded

"Because I am not comfortable being with you any more." Phil answered

Jeff's mouth dropped open. "W-w-why?"

"For one thing, you're married and two, I have to be true to myself." Phil answered "I'm straight-edge remember?"

"So... don't straight-edge people fuck?" Jeff started playing with his hands. I think what he really wanted to do was wrap them around Phil's throat.

"Yes, but... how can I explain it without sounding hypocritical?"

"You can't."

"I don't see why you're getting all pissy about it. When we first hooked up I knew that this wasn't gonna work." Phil stared at the can in his lap, wondering if the right thing to say could be found somewhere on the tri-coloured label.

"Nuh-uh. You wanted me! What you said was you'd do anything to make this work!" Jeff exclaimed

(Lizard's note: this was all news to me. I didn't even know that they were fucking! And if I didn't, I'm pretty sure that Tom didn't either 'coz if I knew I woulda told him.)

"I tried, Jeff. I really did. But this sneaking around isn't working for me. I can't go on living in fear that one day we're gonna be found out."

"Found out? How?"

"We'll get too comfortable with it and we'll make a mistake. It always happens and I am not dealing with either Matt or Tom if it does. You know how protective they are. Even if it is your fault, and it is, I'm the one who's gonna pay for it." Phil sighed "Anyway, about our match..."

"Fuck our match." Jeff's mouth was trembling. This usually meant trouble. "I gave up everything for you. I put you over for that title because I thought once I retired we could be together without having to worry. That was the only reason I agreed to that career match! The only fuckin' reason!"

"Jeff, what do you want me to say? I'm sorry?" Phil twisted the can in his hands, crushing it into an S-shape.

"I'm sorry... considering everything else about us has been a lie, why the hell should I believe this?" Jeff yelled "Get the fuck outta my house!"

"It's not technically your house." Phil said this, not to aggravate Jeff further, but he needed to buy some time. Hopefully, if he talked long enough, Jeff would calm down. Having a match with Jeff when he was this emotional was never a good idea.

"Out!" Jeff grabbed Phil by the shirt and dragged him toward the door.

"But what about our match?" Phil asked

"Bring your a-game." Jeff answered "I may have to job for you, but that doesn't mean I'm going to make it easy on you."

Jeff threw Phil out the door, his shoes flying afterward.

"Fuckin' asshole." Jeff muttered, storming into the bedroom with me. Tom was lying on the bed, watching Zack and Miri Make A Porno.

"That went well." Tom stated

"Yeah." Jeff snuggled up next to Tom, crushing me between their bodies. "I think Phil really thought that I was going to leave you for him."

"Psh!" Tom sighed "Like I told you, make him break up with you. Less chance of getting back together."

"I dunno why I let him suck me off in the first place." Jeff rolled over, giving me a little bit of air. "He wasn't really that good at it to begin with."

"Maybe he just needed to know if he was straight as well as straight-edge." Tom paused the movie and turned to look at Jeff. "And before you say anything, I am not angry. You were with Phil before I came along and the boy definitely looks like the clingy type."

"I love you Tommy." Jeff curled back up against Tommy. This time, he was thoughtful enough to extract me from my spot before I got pancaked again.

"I love you too, Jeff." Tom kissed him softly on the nose. "Now if you'd been doing that Lawson fella, I'd really get pissed off."

"That'll never happen. I promise." Jeff looked into Tom's eyes.

"I know." Tom wrapped his arms around Jeff and held him close. "Now shhh... it's getting to the good part."

(Lizard's note: Shows what I know, eh?)


	12. Dead Man Fucking

Dead Man F***ing

It's been a sad week at the Hardy household. As many of you know, Tommy is no longer with us. I'm gonna miss him. Now all I have to cuddle up with is a Bunny... although Cooper seems to like me.

Anyway, in his honor, I wanna tell you a story. I wasn't there for the fun, but Tommy told me about it and I'm sure you'd all like to know exactly how it went the night he and Mark decided to make their pretend relationship a little more real.

Are you sitting comfortably? Good, then let's begin.

...

Tommy stood outside the door, wondering exactly why he was standing there, instead of where every part of his body told him he should be. This whole idea of hooking up with Mark to make James realize what he had was starting to affect both he and the 'Taker in ways neither of them had anticipated. Hoped, yes, but things had gotten so sexually tense between them that something was going to have to give and a simple hand job wasn't the answer.

One one hand, Tom was still married to Jeff, and on that same hand, his husband had done the unthinkable by cheating on him. On the other hand, Tom was about to do the same damn thing.

"Ah, fuck it." Tom kicked open the door to Mark's hotel room. The Undertaker was in the same position that Tom had last seen him. The scent of his arousal was coming off him in waves, and mixed with his cologne, hair oil, and sweat made Tom swoon.

"What are you doing back?" Mark demanded

"I should think it would be painfully obvious." Tom looked right at Mark's groin when he said that. "I'm taking care of something that needs to be taken care of."

Tom pounced on Mark, attacking his face and neck with his mouth, biting and nipping at his lips, ears, neck, and any other part of him he could reach.

"Ungh..." Mark growled, trying to speak, but the moment he opened his mouth, Tom plowed his tongue inside.

Feeling a wave of passion that rivalled his own flowing from Tom into him via the kiss, Mark realized he better do something or he was going to be done before he even got started. He flipped Tom onto his back and began his own assault, ripping open the younger man's shirt and attacking his own neck and torso in much the same way.

Tom arched with every lick, bite, and nipple twist that Mark gave him. He knew what Mark had been fiending after for days and he was determined to give him exactly what he wanted. His hands snaked down Mark's back, tearing the t-shirt to ribbons and raking his fingernails down the exposed skin hard enough to leave tiny trails of blood in their wake.

Mark groaned inhumanly. He sounded like a caged animal wanting to get free. Cupping his ass, Tom would agree with that statement. Part of him was definitely straining to get free.

"Tell me, Deadman, does James ever treat you this good without having to beg?" Tom reached between their bodies, already getting slick with sweat, and worked Mark's belt open.

"Fuck no... oh shit." Tom used the momentary distraction to reverse their positions and kiss down his chest to his stomach and lower. He pressed his hand against the ridge that was pulsing desire in Mark's jeans and slowly opened the button.

"Fuck, yes, big boy... and I do mean big." Opening the zipper, Tom stuck his nose into the opening, inhaling Mark's unique aroma. He slid down to the bottom of the bed, taking Mark's jeans with him. Tossing them somewhere, right then he could have cared where anything landed, he slid his long fingers up Mark's thighs, teasing him, trying to make him harder if that was at all possible.

Mark shuddered when he felt Tom's hot breath blow across the tops of his legs. _Just fuck me, dammit! _He wanted to scream, but was afraid that if he even voiced his desire it would be all over.

"Don't worry, I will." Tom grinned.

"I didn't..." Mark moaned

"I know exactly what you want." Tom gripped the front of the underwear and tore them open. Mark's cock, the head already covered with fluid, quivered with the sudden exposure. "And you'll get it... eventually."

Tom took the hard column of silky-smooth flesh in his hand and stroked it, coating it lightly with the precum. Mark groaned again, his breath already coming in short bursts with each stroke.

"Please Tom, just do it." Mark whined "I can't take much more!"

"Impatience gets you nowhere with me. Imma gonna make you feel so good you won't know if you're about to cum or if you've cum already." Tom licked his lips and stared into the feverish eyes of the Undertaker before swallowing his length in one gulp. He was quite a bit thicker than Jeff, and had an inch or two on length, but Tom adjusted to it rather quickly. Bobbing his head, he took the large sac in his hand and fondled the contents in time to his sucking.

Mark dug his fingers into the side of the bed. He wanted to prolong this, make it last as long as he could, but Tom was just too damn good. He felt himself slipping past that point of control and barely had time to gasp his lover's name before he felt his balls contract, and start to empty.

Tom used his throat muscles to expertly milk every ounce from Mark's nuts and even after he was sure Mark had given him everything, he continued to nurse him until the sensations were too much for even Mark to take and he had to push Tom's head away.

"Is that all you got?" Tom pouted

Mark waited until his vision cleared before he spoke. "Man, I have never..."

Tom chuckled. "That was just foreplay. The main event is about to start. I said you'd get it eventually and eventually has arrived."

Tom slid off the end of the bed and quickly removed his jeans and shorts. Mark's eyes bulged when he saw the club the eldest Hardy carried. The lust-crazed part of his mind wondered if Tom might not be bigger than James.

"Remember to breathe." Tom draped one of Mark's legs over each of his shoulders and, licking his index and middle finger, stretched Mark's ring in preparation, being careful to avoid his hot spot.

Mark clenched his cheeks, trapping Tom's fingers inside. His breathing was raggedy and his dick was stiffening once more.

"Holy fuck." It felt like Tom's fingers were trapped in a vice. "Gotta relax, man."

"I need it... Tom, please!"

"Let my fingers go and I'll give it you just the way you want it."

Reluctantly Mark relaxed, allowing Tom to remove his fingers but before Mark got too relaxed, Tom replaced them with something much more substantial. He gave Mark a moment to adjust to his size before he started a smooth in and out motion, knowing exactly where Mark's prostate was by feel and carefully avoiding it with his thrusts.

Mark writhed, trying to get Tom to hit it, but expertly, Tom avoided it.

"I told you I was going to make you feel so good, you wouldn't know if you had or if you were about to, remember?" Tom gripped Mark's dick in his one free hand.

When he began jacking him again, Mark began thrashing on the bed. Nothing, in all the time he'd been with James, Sara, Michelle, or anyone else for that matter, was even close to feeling as good as how Tom was making him feel.

"That's it, Marky-Mark... ride with it." Tom alternated between deep probing thrusts and ones that felt like he wasn't even moving. Mark's hips popped off the bed with each deep one and remained stationary with the others, yet Tom still wasn't hitting that spot. The thought of what it might feel like if Tom did decide to ram him was bringing him to the edge again.

"I want you to fuck me like there's no tomorrow." Mark's yelps and pleas were close to bringing Tom off as well., but he wanted to bring Mark over at the same time.

"No tomorrow?" Tom gasped, trickles of sweat running down the sides of his face. "That's right... there is no tomorrow. I am the future... and... the... future... is... now!" He slammed inside Mark's ass with his final words, hitting his pleasure center dead on.

"Ahhhhh...." Mark's cock exploded again, his whole body tensing with each spurt, then relaxing. This was enough to set Tom off and he coated Mark's inside with his own sperm.

Tom pulled out and collapsed beside his spent lover.

"Not bad for a pretend boyfriend, eh?" Tom twirled a lock of his hair around his finger and used it to pull Mark in for a kiss.

They kissed for several minutes, Mark being the reluctant one to break. He was really afraid that he'd never get another chance for something like this and was determined to make it last as long as possible. They fell asleep, cradled in each other's arms, both completely exhausted.

...

I wonder if Matt noticed that Tom was wearing a different shirt when he came home the next day. Remind me to ask him sometime.


End file.
